It's official. I need more friends. All these years being all stand-offish has finally come back to bite me on the ass. 

On Facebook, there's an application called Mob Wars. 

I NEED more mobsters! I only have two, three if I include myself. That is a startling lack of mobsters. It's unacceptable. How am I to increase my virtual mob without mobsters? The answer is: I won't. Therefore, I need more friends to become mobsters. I have 11 friends on facebook, but most of them are bastards -- because they won't join my mob. Not even my dad wants to join my mob!! Am I THAT unlikeable? Or perhaps I'm just not hated and feared enough. 

Whatever the case may be... the fact remains that I need more mobsters and, as of yet, I haven't any idea how to solve this perplexing connundrum. 

Ah, well.

I'm off to do some virutal drug-drealing so I can buy myself a restaurant. 

Dude. Best video EVAR!

Click me! I DARE YOU!

So, I got one of those stupid email chain thingies in my work email that seem to proliferate like cybernetic bunnies. It was the "19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY" and because I yam what I yam, I feel as if I must explore this idea until it reaches its ultimate stupidity. Here goes.


Okay, first way to maintain a healthy level of insanity...

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on while pointing a hair dryer at passing vehicles. See if they slow down.

This is actually pretty funny when you think about. So funny that I almost want to try it out sometime. So far so good, list of "19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY".

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Also hilarious, and highly recommended. (A co-worker did this once when I worked at Frank's. The reaction it got was EXCELLENT.)

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Hilarious... this one has the potential to be REALLY irritating, which makes it at least 10% better (and therefore funnier) than the first two on the list.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.

Not funny, list of "19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY". Not funny at all. People who regularly read "Ziggy" or perhaps "Blondie" might find this funny, but those of us who have souls emphatically do not.

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.

This one is downright impractical. First of all, real espresso is made with an espresso machine, not on a regular coffee machine. Plus, there are just far too many uncontrollable factors to make this practical. Not to mention espresso is spelled wrong. Bad list of "19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY"! BAD! Next.

6. In the memo field of all your checks write: "For smuggling diamonds".

Funny, but potentially dangerous if an over-zealous member of a bank's proof department were to take it seriously and hand it over to bank protection. And take it from someone who knows, you DO NOT want to rouse their suspicions, for they are almighty and merciless -- like Wagnerian Valkyries... without the anti-Semitism.

7. Finish all your sentences with: "...in accordance with prophecy."

Pretty funny... though I guarantee it'd be at least 20% funnier, if not more, were you to say: "...in accordance with biblical prophecy." It's far more ominous, and, as we all know, ominous = funny.

8. Don't use any punctuation.

This may or may not be funny depending on circumstance.

Funny: Not using any punctuation while you speak -- this would mean that there would be no pauses for thought, no indication where one idea ends and the other begins. No customary interrogative lilt at the end of a question. No exclamations. No pauses in your speech. You'd just speak in long, never-ending sentences. The results would be kinda funny, though you'd really have to practice to get it right.

Not funny: At all. Not punctuating your writing properly. Too much of this goes on already and it drives me fucking nuts. I love the English language dearly, and though I'm far from perfect, I respect the language I speak enough to try my damnedest to give it my best effort. Lazy, L33t speaking, fucking text messaging bastards have raped the mighty eloquence of the written word for long enough -- DO NOT ENCOURAGE THEM.

9. As often as possible skip rather than walk.

Eh. I guess it's funny, plus you'll get a bit of a workout as well. Good on you, list of "19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY"!

10. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat -- with a serious face.

Oh, this is a good one, especially if you can keep a straight face. I'd totally choke -- I've got a terrible poker face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Not really funny so much as annoying. It feels like something the folks at "Jackass" would do while leering into a fish-eye camera and giggling. No thank you.

12. Sing along at the opera.

Also annoying. Not funny at all. Plus, it has the potential for real world consequences. Like getting kicked out of the opera house, and considering the cost of opera tickets... not a good idea. Unless, of course, you're a billionaire playboy douche bag.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day during working hours.

This would be pretty hilarious... but only if you have a fairly understanding boss who got the joke. Also, I'd add a cornucopia of tropical plants, a stuffed parrot (as in a formerly alive parrot that would be pushing up the daisies were it not nailed to its perch) and a small black cat -- and should anyone ask about the cat, insist that it's a panther and its name is Bagheera, making sure to be really insulted at the very notion of your lithe and dangerous jungle predator being mistaken for a small, harmless house-cat.

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

First of all, there is no such thing as a poetry recital. I know because my father IS a poet and I've been to poetry READINGS. Recitals are for children's dance troupes and those involved in any kind of classical music training. Secondly, while poetry readings, at times, can be a bit boring, you insult the poets and yourself by asking such a patently ignorant question. You might as well tattoo: "I am an uneducated moron. Please, do the world a favor and kill me before I reproduce" on your forehead before trying this one.

And if you don't understand why this isn't funny, do me just one favor. Stand up. Walk to the nearest wall. Make sure it's nice and hard, and then pound your fucking head into it until it isn't funny anymore -- that is if you don't pass out from blood loss or the inevitable brain damage first.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

Dude, this is a total dick move. If a friend of mine did this, I'd drive to their house, punch them in the nuts and never call them again. Not funny at all. Just plain douche bag-ry.

16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name: Rock Bottom.

This has the potential for real hilarity if you could get your co-workers to go along with it. It'd be 50% funnier if you used something a bit more off-the-wall, like: Huge McBiglarge or Beefington Steel or Slab Hamfist.

17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream: "I WON! I WON!"

Pretty fucking funny. Especially if you manage to do it in a really crowded area.

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling: "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!"

Funny, but inadvisable. For one, you could cause a panic, and considering how litigious people are nowadays... well, it's just not a good idea.

19. Tell your children over dinner: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".

This only works if you have children, of course. But it is pretty funny. Scarring-your-child-for-the-rest-of-their-natural-lives-funny, but funny none the less. And really, what's a few scars here and there? I mean, sure, I've never been able to go to the dentist without having a mild panic attack ever since my dad told me they'd pull out all my teeth with a rusty pair of pliers when I was five... but it was all in good fun. Really, it was. Incidentally, my father actually did tell me that... and I do get a bit nervous whenever I go to the dentist to this day. Good times. Good times.

So, I've been working on a Ses/Kag AU thing lately and I've come upon a dilemma. There's a particular scene I'm grappling with and I'd like those of you that care about such things to help me out!

See, for this story, I'll be naming each chapter after a particular piece of classical, traditional or folk instrumental music. One particular chapter has given me trouble, as I have a rather integral moment in the chapter that needs to be punctuated by a song. The choice of this song is up to you. Here's the scenario: You're walking down a long hall in the middle of the night in a mansion of some sort. You come upon a seemingly empty ballroom, but for the echoing strains of a violin coming from the open doorway. As you approach, you catch the haunting melody.

The selections for the piece that can be heard are behind the cut!

( LISTEN! )


Poll #1198976 Classical Music Selector
Open to: Friends, results viewable to: All

Which piece do you like better?

If you picked the last option on the first question, please explain.

Also, for that last question, if you could point me in the direction of the appropriate piece of music, so I might hear it, it'd be much appreciated!

Do you remember my beloved frilly heart umbrella? Of course you do, it was a symbol of all that is cute and holy in this world. Earlier this afternoon, she was cruelly and bitterly taken away from me, and I simply must tell someone the tale so that her legacy will not be forgotten.

Here I am, minding my own business in the university coffee room thing. It's been pouring torrents of rain for at least a week now, so of course, I have my trustly, if slightly broken umbrella with me. I leave it on my table for just a minute so I can go up and get a coffee from the vending machine. Coffee prepared, I turn around....AND MY UMBRELLA IS GONE.

(in the film version of my story, there will be dramatic music at this part).

Frantic and confused, I ask a nearby student if he saw who stole my treasure of treasures. CLEARLY unaware of how grave the situation was, he responded glibly with "uuhhh...chaypas. une p'tite fille"--the french equivalent of saying "uhh...some chick." Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I rush outside while it's pouring rain to see if I can apprehend the girl who took my umbrella.

AND THERE SHE IS. (again, dramatic music will be played here). Walking away, with a cute frilly red umbrella with white hearts that is slightly limp and broken on one side. I go up to her and firmly say, 'Excuse me, but I know very well that you took my umbrella and I'd like it back.'

And you know what she does?

SHE RUNS. (at this point, the music will have reached a crescendo. or something.)

AND SHE RUNS FAST. NO RESPONSE, NO EYE CONTACT, NOTHING. RUNS AWAY INTO THE DISTANCE. LIKE A TEENAGER IN A BAD HORROR FLICK. RUNS INTO RAINY, RAINY OBLIVION WITH MY BELOVED HEART UMBRELLA.

I would've chased after her, but I was wearing my sandals and I knew I would've slipped in the rain. Also, it might look a little odd if I tackled a girl on behalf of an umbrella. Nevertheless, I am still mourning the loss of my beloved umbrella, and the mere thought of buying a replacement fills my heart with sadness.


My response:


Dude. If I had been there, I woulda tackled that bitch -- tackled her and then I woulda beat her ass. Nobody steals my umbrella. NOBODY.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For serious. I woulda taken that bitch out.

...fucking French people.

In an incredibly narcissistic moment, I looked up my SN on Google. Amongst the expected links to myself, I found this: NOACAT THE CITY!!

I certainly didn't start this, but someone did. It makes me oddly happy. I'm sure it has nothing to do with me whatsoever, but it's still neat.

So, visit my fair city often. Help Noacat increase her population and other stuffs.

Wow.

Just watched Battle Royale for the first time.

Funny thing, I've wanted to see this movie for awhile but it's real hard to get a hold of in the States due to the subject matter and wholesale violence. In fact, I don't believe there's ever been a U.S. domestic release of the film. The one we received from Netflix was a Japanese region un-specific version of the film. Of course, this means the subtitles are going to be sub-par, because they didn't have an American distributor -- who would have a bit more quality control when it came to the subtitles. So, we were faced with some pretty bad Engrish, but it was so worth it.

An interesting, but highly disturbing movie. I think it makes an interesting point regarding human psychology. It shows really how easy it is for a human being to turn to violence, highlighting man's inhumanity to man and how quickly we turn on each other in a desperate situation.

It was filmed nicely too...

Interesting note for Kill Bill fans. You can see the actress who portrayed Gogo Yubari in this (but I won't spoil anything for anyone who hasn't seen it, I'm merely noting her presence.)

Another nice thing in this: Most of the kids in this film are played by real teenagers. Not twenty to thirty year olds pretending to be teenagers.

I'm looking at YOU, Luke Perry. That's right. *narrows eyes*

Conclusion

It's worth checking out, though I don't think it's for everyone. (It is, after all, REALLY violent.) Overall an engaging plot with sympathetic main characters with the added bonus of streaming jets of ooey-gooey fake blood!! YAY! WE ALL WIN!!

It all started so innocently.

I was writing my sister to confirm our summer vacation plans with the 'rents... and then, as always, wackiness ensued.

Here's the email that started it all! (The italic-ed bit is the important part, FYI.)

From: Anne
To: Jane

Hey there, home-skillet. Just letting you know I've requested the time-off. We are totally GO! for Yooper Junk-yard tour 2008! I bet that's gonna be weird for you… traveling all over the world and then you go to the UP. What with all the yoopers and bears and junk cars and abandoned houses and assorted kitsch Americana. It'll be like Camp Beverly Hills -- except with 100% less Shelly Long with bleached strawberry blonde hair, and 100% more hair gel and special Jane shaped goo.

You're so sleeping in the room with Mom and Dad by the way. Will and I flipped coins and you lost. Lucky you!

Simple, right?

See, I figure since Jane's been gallivanting around Europe -- this is her payback. I felt it was fair... she begged to differ.

From: Jane
To: Anne

BITCH, I demand a recall of the coin toss. Totes not fair. TOTES.

Not about to take this lying down, I replied thusly: Dude. You can't recall the coin toss! It's totes the way it's going down. TOTES.

Unfazed, Jane argued her point like any good lawyer might -- with epithets and invectives.

Bitch, you don't own me! I recall the coin toss on the principal that it's unfair that a decision that affects me was made without my knowledge and without my presence. Choke on that, monkey liver! (snapsnapsnap)

Deciding that this argument was bigger than me, I invited my brother, Will, into the discussion. His logic, as always, is beyond reproach.

I decree no coin toss recalls. As Emperor of Calendars, I hold the most sway. Read the Constitution, it says I have the sway. SWAY!

My response, however, was childish and petulant.

See... even the Emperor of Calendars agrees with me. The coin toss was done with you in absentia -- it's a legal term and everything. Plus, Emperor of Calendars! SWAY! CHOKE ON THE SWAY!

Jane, having listened to one too many dissertations by Che Guevara, empowers herself to resist the Emperor of Calendars's decree.

Dude, the emperor of calendars is a fascist bastard. VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!

I, as always, remained unimpressed, and being a sucker for the Status Quo -- having long ago sold my soul to THE MAN, and knowing his ways as I do, I gave her an ominous warning.

Tell that to him and his legion of mutant-cyber-Hitlers.

Jane, deciding that the tiny Che Guevara in her head was right, degenerated swiftly into madness -- flashbacking like there was NO tomorrow.

I CHOKE ON NO SWAY. NONE. ZERO. NILCH. NADA. RIEN.

ALLONS ENFANTS DE LA PATRRRRRRIE, LE JOUR DE GLOIRE EST ARRIVE! CONTRE NOUS DE LA TYRANNIE, L'ETENDARD SANGLANT EST LEVE!!!!!!

ANTIFA! ANTIFA! VIVA LA REVOLUCION! HASTA LA VICTORIA SIEMPRE!

And just like that it was ON. On like a trannie beating his lover's girlfriend on the Springer show on... with weave-pulling and everything.

You say that now... but when the cyber-Hitlers unhinge their jaws and swallow your Che Guevaras like fine oysters, then you'll know. OH! How you'll know! AND THEN THE HAMMER'LL COME DOWN! DOWN FROM THE MOUNTAIN! AND THAT MOTHA'UCKA WILL 'UCK WITH YOUR SHI!!! AND THEN I'LL STUFF WILL FERRELL DOWN YOUR PANTS AND HE'LL TOTALLY GIVE YOUR A-HOLE A SWIRLIE! AND THEN WHO'LL BE CRYING NOW!

That'd be you. BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

However, my brother, being the more sensible of the three of us, aptly ceased all argument. And very much like Springer's ever present bodyguard, Steve, quickly diffused the situation.

It's true. As Emperor of Calenders, I get my own army of mutant cyber Hitlers (it's in the US Constitution) to do my bidding. I generally just make them do charity work, like helping out the homeless and handicapped ('cause it's ironic). But I can have them fuck you up in ways that would make The Jesus proud.

And you don't fuck with The Jesus.

True dat, home skillet. True dat.

Dudes... people.

I am TOTES listening to Beethoven right now. Sonata no. 9 for piano and violin in A minor ("Kreutzer"), and I am totally in love. For serious.

In love. *snugglelove Beethoven*

I think Beethoven would love some snuggle-love. I was watching a documentary on his life -- unlucky in love, man. L to the van B gots no love from the laydees. (I think it might have been due to the fact that he sort of, kind of crushed on women who were waaaaaaaaay out of his league.)

Anyway, on that show they talked about how difficult his pieces are. Listening to Sonata no. 9, I can see where that comes from. The notes come so freaking fast; one right after another in quick succession -- playing that sonata, to someone as untrained as I am, would be sort of like that one sketch on I Love Lucy -- where Lucy and Ethel had to wrap those candies and the conveyor belt kept going faster and faster and faster and faster.



AW! That crazy red-head! Lookit her go!

I've been reading something in the Inuyasha fanfic section a lot lately, and, frankly, it's bothering me.

I just have to say it.

*takes a deep breath*

Dogs are physically incapable of purring. They cannot purr. I know, I know, it'd be really cool if they could. And NO -- you have NO artistic license on this. It's basic effing biology. Dogs can't purr. THEY CAN'T FREAKING PURR. They can't. The only animals that CAN are cats. Cats purr. Dogs bark. They growl. They whine and whimper. They drool, sometimes a lot, but they can't freaking purr.

So just stop it.

Stop it or I swear to god I'll swat you with a newspaper, people.

I mean, really, don't feel sore if you've done this. We all make mistakes. Just STOP it. Because every single time I read that in a story, I have to physically restrain myself from firing off a review that pretty much says what I just said now, except maybe a lot meaner. (I'm delightfully cranky, aren't I?) Yeah, cuz Anne isn't much about softening blows. It's my major weakness. I'm blunt, sorry 'bout that -- maybe someone else can put it to you nicer. Me?

Knock it the fuck off.

Yeah, kids... that's how I roll. (Said with a very obvious wink and a nudge.)

Thank you, goodnight, and drive safely.

You know... writing a story about classical music when you know next to nothing is hard.

If anyone out there plays piano or violin. I need help.

I'm totes cereal.

So, last weekend we watched Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. It's been a good ten years since I last saw it. There's a funny kind of anxiety one has when given the opportunity to re-watch a favorite movie from your childhood.

Okay, okay, technically, Bill and Ted was a favorite of mine from when I was a teenager. Still, I was awful young. And sometimes movies you thought funnier than hell when you were sixteen turn out to be BEYOND dreadful when revisited. I found this out with Weekend at Bernie's. At the time, I thought this was the funniest damn movie EVER. Then again, I was fifteen/sixteen, so what the hell did I know? I mean, I was a huge Debbie Gibson fan back then. DEBBIE FUCKING GIBSON!! (If you saw my hair from that period, you'd understand.)

Anyway, I was nervous about watching Bill and Ted, because I was afraid it'd be another Weekend at Bernie's -- where I'd rewatch it and find, to my horror, that the movie that had such a warm, sentimental place in my heart was fucking awful. (Like I should be THAT surprised that Weekend at Bernie's sucked... I mean, COME ON ME!! It's Weekend at Bernie's.)

Well, I rewatched it and was pleasantly surprised. While it IS a pretty dumb movie, you can't help but love it for being just so damn quirky and weird that anything vaguely dumb about it can be excused and loved all over again.

Aw! I love you, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure!!!

If I ever have kids and they ask what the late '80s/early '90s were like, I'll show them this movie.

Of course, thinking about Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure brings back memories of the NES promotional tie-in video game by the same name. Well, mostly the same name. It was called Bill and Ted's Excellent VIDEO GAME Adventure. Whatevs.

The fact remains, that like ALL movie tie-in games, it sucked ass.

In the game, you were tasked by Rufus to go out and find a list of Historical Figures.

Here's the wiki-article explaining the point of the game. Go ahead, I'll wait. EXPLAIN THIS BILL AND TED OF WHICH YOU SPEAK!!

Now, reading that little explanation might get you to thinking that the game was kind of cool. It wasn't. It sucked. You spent most your time wandering around a screen that pretty much had NO landmarks. So, you have no idea where you're going and you spend an awful lot of time going in circles because one screen looks so damn much like the other. If you were lucky, you might stumble upon the occasional "helpful" NPC. They were supposed to give you hints that'd help you.

They didn't.

You just spent more time wandering around aimlessly, your eyes bleeding from hours of staring at your television screen. The afterimage of the game's monotonous scenery forever burned into your retinas.

Sometimes, when the stars and the moon aligned, you'd actually stumble into an area with a historical figure in it. But historical figures are rare and wily animals. They won't just walk around in the open like normal people, going about their daily business as historical figures. NO! They hide like little bunny rabbits. So you have to lure them out with, get this, HISTORICAL FIGURE BAIT!!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. Historical figure bait. Like they're fish.

"Hey, there, Earl. I hooked me William Howard Taft! Git the big net!"

Taft was fat...



Original image found here: U.S. President's Page

So, you'd come into an area with a historical figure. I forget how those areas were different from others. Most of my memory of this game has been repressed for my own good. Anyway, there'd be a music blip or some kind of screen note, and you were supposed to drop your bait and lie in wait, preparing for possible historical figure capture-age.

Never happened.

You'd put the damn bait down and pretty much nothing happened. If you didn't move away fast enough you'd scare them away or they'd steal your 'effing bait and you were screwed. Then an in-game message would pop up and taunt you. HA! HA! YOU WEREN'T FAST ENOUGH, LOSER! YOU SUCK!

And then you'd cry: "YEAH, FUCK YOU GAME!" And then maybe you'd weep a little.

I think I only got close to capturing one historical figure before I got frustrated and gave up.

Now, usually, my video game frustrations can be blamed on my own impatience. I had an unfortunate temper tantrum the first time I played Chrono Trigger, because I sped through without leveling up and tried to beat the final boss with less than half of my spells and abilities learned. I was setting myself up for failure.

But this time, it was SO not my fault. My best friend (at the time) and I tried for four fruitless hours trying desperately to pull some fun out of this joyless little game. All I got out of it was a vicious migraine and the desire to monkey punch whatever idiot programmed the damn thing.

Such is life, I suppose.

Lets101 - Free Online Dating




I just had to post it. Don't ask why... 

I swear to GOD if I am coming down with the Hanta virus again, I'll throw someone against the wall. I'm not sure who.

But I promise SOMEONE is getting thrown against the wall.

Believe it.

I transferred some of the stuff I had on Greatestjournal here, because GJ has tanked, apparently.

I'll probably be posting sneak peeks and other misc. research there. noalicious

So, I received this via email from my good friend Kacey. I worked with her at the bank I work at, and she was pretty much awesome. So, instead of sending this back to her and keeping it all private and whatnot, I thought it'd be a good idea to post it so the whole world could see.

And by the whole world, I mean the three or four people who actually read this journal. ^_~ (I love you guys.)

Put an 'X' in places. Do it, you know you want to.

( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Florida
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost -- Yeah, in Detroit, of all places. Read about it here: Escape from Detroit
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Gone to Washington , DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robber
( ) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only?
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
(x) Made prank phone calls
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors
(x) Gone to the movies -- DUDE! Who HASN'T??!!! (Amish people are exempt from this question.)

1. Any nicknames? Depends on who you ask. My dad calls me by a variety of nicknames: Boo Bear, Big Number One, Creature From Hell (or CFH, to save time), Satan, Beluga Whale (I wasn't fond of this one when I was sixteen)... People here call me Noa on occasion. But for the most part, I am just Anne.
2 Mother's name? IT'S A SECRET!
3. Favorite drink? Orange pop.
4. Tattoo?? Uh, not so much.
5. Body Piercings? My ears.
6. How much do you love your job? I like it a lot. It's a living, anyway.
7. Birthplace?? IT'S A SECRET!
8. Favorite vacation spot? Arizona or anyplace in the U.P.
9. Ever been to Africa ??? Nope, but I wouldn't mind going as long as everything was safe and stuff. Africa is a pretty volatile area politically, plus there be lions and killer hippopotamuseseses... hippopotami... hippopotamuz?
10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Uh... hells yeah!
11. Ever been on TV?? Not as far as I know. But I did shoot a couple of things for public television for a class in college.
12. Ever steal any traffic sign?? Nope. What would be the point, really?
13. Ever been in a car accident?? Yup. Two. The first was with Scott. We hit a wet spot in the road and lost control of the car. We careened into the guardrail. It was scary. The other time, I was driving myself home from work. There was a blizzard. My car skidded into the car in front of me. Lucky for us, I was only going around three MPH.
14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle?? Yahtzee.
15. Favorite salad dressing?? Ranch.
16. Favorite pie?? Dutch Apple or Black Tie Mousse Cake at Olive Garden. Mmmm. OH! And ice cream pie. Mmmmmmmm...
17. Favorite number?? IT'S A SECRET!
18. Favorite movie?? AW! Do I HAVE to choose?!
19. Favorite holiday?? Thanksgiving, totally.
21. Favorite food?? Waffles.
22. Favorite day of the week? Kleigeday.
23. Favorite brand of body wash? My cat licking my face off when I go to bed at night. The best thing about it is, he doesn't stop, even when the skin starts to peel back.
24. Favorite toothpaste?? IT'S A SECRET!
25. Favorite smell?? Vanilla.
26. What do you do to relax? Um, I'll take: drawing and/or writing until my fingers bleed for one hundred, Bob.
27. Favorite gift ever given? Okay, this so depends on what the question actually means, because the wording is a bit convoluted. Does it mean the best gift I ever gave someone else? Or the best gift ever given to me. The best gift I gave someone else would be the total Kenny humiliation I gifted my sister with at my wedding. The best gift ever given to me would be 'The Crow' model kit my husband painted and put together for me -- I would also add the Kennification of my apartment by my sister as revenge for the Kenny Incident at my wedding.
28. How do you see yourself in 10 years?? I see myself as a bunny rabbit, or perhaps a lemur.
29. Furthest place you will send this message? To the moon, Alice. TO THE MOON!
30. Who will respond to this the fastest? Your mom. 

At the dawn of time, when the world wide web was nothing more than the primordial ooze that would eventually evolve into the internet we know today... there was a primitive message board system called ISCA (Iowa Student Computer Association). When I was but a little Noacat-- well, actually, it was before I was a Noacat, I had an account at ISCA. I went under various names. I was Celes Chere for a long, long time. Rinoa for some of the time. Aeris for a really brief time... Well, I had a lot of user names. I suppose that isn't the point.

In college, I was apart of this primitive messaging system. For awhile, it was my life. I've moved on. Found other things. Fanfiction.net being one of them (where I eventually became the one, the only NOACAT). But during that time, those hazy days in the early '90s, ISCA was the coolest thing EVAR. There were huge queues you had to wait in to even log in! It was insane. I once waited forty five minutes to just get on and chat with my friends.

Anyway, the internets evolved quickly. By the end of my senior year, I was barely on. I just didn't have the time anymore. And by the time I even thought to come back to it, I'd graduated. Funny thing about ISCA, it required that you have a university provided email address -- for age verification purposes. So, you couldn't have a hotmail account or anything like that. Once I graduated, I lost my university email, therefore I could no longer have my ISCA account. But by that time, it didn't matter much because I didn't care anymore.

So, the years pass. Just for shits and giggles, I googled ISCA. AND IT'S STILL RUNNING!! You can get there by typing in: telnet : // bbs . isca . com (remember to remove all the spaces.) Go there, if you want to feel a blast from the PAST.

I'm surprised. Considering how far technology has leapt forward, ISCA and its DOS based texting format is really, REALLY out of date. I went on tonight, logging in as a guest. It was sad. I don't even remember any of the old commands. Funny thing, lots of the same old people are there. Not many new users.

Such is life, I suppose.

That's right. It's me... with a fucking monkey.

I got my picture taken in a dirt mall with a monkey. I know you're all jealous.

I can taste it.

This necessitates the "Shatner Monkey" icon...

So, awhile ago I got it into my head to make an A to Z playlist.

For those who don't know, I'm a freak for making the perfect playlist. Sort of like Rob from High Fidelity, only I'm less a straight up asshole and more of a pouty douche bag, but I digress.

Anyway, I have this obsession with making playlists. I'm not quite sure how the A to Z list came about, but it did and I ran with it.

See, there's sort of a zen to making a really good playlist. I won't go too far into it, but I feel like you really have to be thoughtful on song placement. Which is why I came up with the A to Z list, because finding a song for each letter of the alphabet would be super difficult.

Here's the rules I set forth for myself.

1.) Pick a song for each letter of the Alphabet, first of all.

2.) All songs MUST be in English. The songs can be sung by non-English speaking (IE: Those that don't speak English as a native language) artists, but they have got to be in English. This makes it harder for you to pick songs for letters such as 'Q'.

3.) No artist can have consecutive songs. Example: I couldn't have Spiraling Shape as my 'S' song because I have Till My Head Falls Off for my 'T' song, because they both are by They Might Be Giants. This rule extends to cover versions as well.

4.) If an artist appears on your list more than once, there must be a one song lead between appearances, this also includes cover songs. Example: I picked Under Pressure David Bowie and Queen for my 'U' song. For my 'W' song, I picked We Are the Champions -- but I picked the cover version done by Johnathan Coulton. In between those two songs is Jamiroquai's Virtual Insanity.

The list is as follows:

1. Across the Universe by the Beatles (Acoustic version from Anthology)
2. Birdhouse in Your Soul by They Might Be Giants (Flood)
3. Continental Drift by the Rolling Stones (Steel Wheels)
4. Don't Fence Me In cover by David Byrne, written by Cole Porter (Red+Hot+Blue: A Tribute to Cole Porter)
5. Everything Under the Sun by Common Rotation (Live track off Clear Channel)
6. Free as a Bird by the Beatles (Anthology)
7. Genius of Love by the Tom Tom Club (Tom Tom Club)
8. Hey, Mr. DJ, I Thought We Had a Deal by They Might Be Giants (Then, the Earlier Years)
9. Ikea by Jonathan Coulton (Smoking Monkey)
10. Jumpin' Jack Flash by the Rolling Stones (40 Licks)
11. Kiss cover by Der Palast Orchestra mit Max Raabe (album unknown)
12. Let it Be by the Beatles (Let it Be)
13. Mesopotamia by the B52's (Time Capsule)
14. No One Knows My Plan by They Might Be Giants (John Henry)
15. Once in a Lifetime by the Talking Heads (Remain in Light)
16. Pretty Pink Ribbon by CAKE (Comfort Eagle)
17. Quiche Lorraine by the B52's (Time Capsule)
18. Rock Your Socks by Tenacious D (Tenacious D)
19. Say You'll Be There by the Spice Girls (Spice)
20. Till My Head Falls Off by They Might Be Giants (Factory Showroom)
21. Under Pressure by David Bowie & Queen (Classic Queen)
22. Virtual Insanity by Jamiroquai
23. We Are the Champions acoustic cover by Johnathan Coulton (Thing a Week Four)
24. XTC vs. Adam Ant by They Might Be Giants (Factory Showroom)
25. Your Rain sung by Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, composed by Akira Yamaoka (Silent Hill 4 Soundtrack)
26. Z Y X by They Might Be Giants (Here Come the ABCs)
27. 1234 by Fiest (The Reminder)

I added the "bonus" track at the bottom for awesomeness. There was also somewhat of a fracas between my sister, husband and I regarding "Your Rain". They objected to the song on account that it was written and composed by someone who didn't speak English natively. I pointed out the same could be said of Max Raabe, who is German. The song he and his orchestra performed WAS written by a native English speaker. Max Raabe, being German, speaks German, but sings the song in English. Therefore it is allowed. And though Yamaoka doesn't speak English as a first language, he did write the song in English and it was performed by an artist who speaks English natively, therefore it counts. So there.

Anyway, if you're as big a nerd as I am, feel free to do this.

You know, I almost think this requires some kind of freaky CD exchange. If anyone wants this list, I'll happily find a way to send it to you. It's just that awesome. And you can send your own back.

If you want...